Rising from the ashes of Despair (rough draft)

IN MEMORY OF MY ANGELS
ALYSSA MICHELLE AND CALEB ALEXANDER LYNCH
April 10th 2010 My beautiful children were received into the arms of the Lord. Each day since has held its on challenges but with these chellenges the Lord has poured out His blessings on this life. I dedicate this book and all ministry work to their memory. It is the Lord who strengthens me, but my children who inspire me.




Introduction
In a life filled with pain and suffering, we as Christians tend to forget where we found peace! Peace and true love for each of us was found at the cross. It's at the feet of Jesus we learn what true love is! It's also at Christ's feet we find true peace, Romans 5 reminds us of this truth.As you read through the pages of my life I urge you to seek the Lord and find His path for your life. Do not try to model your relationshup with our Lord based off of my lifes experience But find your relationship with the Lord on the terms He wishes you to walk in. As you follow the story of this life, try not to focus on the attacks Satan has thrown at me instead meditate on the truths that are revealed to us as Christians through God's Word. When you seek God in times of suffering He will begin to reveal His will for your life, He also will reveal the role He has called you to for His ministry, not only will you find purpose and hope through His Word, but He will also begin to restore, establish, and strengthen your life to fullfill the plans He has for your walk with Him. (1 Peter 5:10)
My story begins back in early '08, God had blessed me with a beautiful wife, 2 gorgeous kids and the life of my dreams.We will discuss purpose that God had for me then, how Satan attacked and tried to destroy my life through a horrible divorce, we will look at the time when I had stepped out of God's will for this life, and through the journey you will learn of true heart ache, but more importantly we will learn that just because we try to give up on God, it doesnt mean He gives up on us!

(chapter1)
The story few have heard
Standing on the Lord even when the outcome isnt what you prayed for January 2008, It's been about a year now since the Lord had called me into youth ministry, life was amazing! The fullfillment life now held being used of the Lord, the closeness I felt to the Lord was so amazing. Life was full of blessings, almost 7 years of marriage, 2 beautiful kids and a loving wife, life as they say was good. We had been in the dream house my wife and I built for almost 2 years now, it seemed all of our dreams had been fullfilled. Unknown to me the messages the Lord had me preparing for the youth of the church would play a significant role in the days soon to come. We had been learning how to seek the Lord,not just in the good times, but also in the bad.
It was September 2008 when I was hit by Satan with the biggest problem my life had yet seen. The woman I loved, my wife, my partner, very calmly one morning while we were getting ready for our son Caleb's parent help day at preschool, tells me, "I dont think I love you anymore and want a divorce."
I was shattered, I didnt know how to react, our marriage wasn't perfect, but we had always trusted God and allowed Him to guide and fix problems as they came up. Not knowing what to say or do I went to the church and broke down in tears while explaining what had happened to my Pastor. He asked many questions, is there someone else, I told him she had replied "no" just that she no longer loved me. He asked if we would be interested in counseling with him or someone he could refer us to, of course my response is "I'll do it" but I also had to make sure this is what my wife wished to do as well. After some pursuading she was convinced to at least try a few meetings. We made it to ONE session as a couple. She decided the guy we were speaking to was against her, so we tried the assitant Pastor as a mediator, this too did not last long. I had been told to continue to seek God for answers and that's how my prayers were directed, "show me the problem with our marriage Lord" it wasn't long after the problem was revealed... Another man! I was horrified, I felt betrayed, Angry, Hurt, and just numb! With this revelation and some digging I found out who this guy was. I tried at first to reason, I left polite messages at first pleading to a answering machine to back off. I mentioned my 2 children Alyssa the oldest and Caleb our youngest, I asked him if he had any moral decency at all to back off from my wife. He never replied directly, but the answer was clearly "NO" as he continued to pursue her and she pursued him. I was strong at first,relying on God for strength then at some point I began to break down emotionally and spiritually.The calls I made went from being of please leave to threats! Knowing that God's word states "the anger of man doe not bring forth the righteousness of God" I still wanted this man to be placed in my hands.
After a few months, I was being railroaded emotionally with promises of, "yeah we'll work it out" to "just let me go" My response became, if you wish to leave its up to you to get the divorce, I dont believe in it and won't pursue it myself. The night before thanksgiving, after the latest promise of "we'll work it out" it happened, a knock on the door. A young man standing there with a packet of papers explains "dont be mad at me,but these are divorce papers for you" I insured himI was not angry at him, however I was extremely ticked at my soon to be ex- wife!
I have family coming in town in a matter of minutes and this is how I get to spend my thanksgiving. I found little to be thankful for that day, other than my 2 beautiful kids, I had nothing left. So moving forward to December, the court day came, the papers were signed and filed and having endured many heart aches I made a hard choice, I packed my half of our life up in a small U haul, and headed to Florida where my family lived. I tried standing on the Word of the Lord but didn't really care anymore, all I cared about was my children who would now grow up with a dad several states away and see me when school was out. Life had changed, but at least I still had my kids. God had taken a negative and made a postive. Life wasn't exactly how I wanted it but it was still good. Even though God was remaining faithful, I began to change...
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I encourage you now that even if life has taken a turn for the negative, do not take the road of self destruction, God wants to begin a work in you, even though you feel life is over, if you submit to the Lord, He will get you through anything! Don't do like I did, don't turn from a loving God and try to make your own happiness, it leads to more heart ache.
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Poem
My Lord My Friend

You hold me up when no ones around
Only you can make me smile while I am down
The strength you give the love you show
I feel forever a debt I'll owe
I leave this heart Lord for you to mend
I've never had a better friend
You've asked for nothing And given more than I'll ever know
Lord this heart now is forever yours to hold
I thought no one could pull me through
but this anger that filled me, has been removed by you
You've lifted me when I was down
your praise off my breath will forever sound!
(By Steven Lynch)


(Chapter 2)
It only takes ONE step


So you may be asking, how does someone who stands on God's word begin to change? Our walk with the Lord is a daily walk of submission and self sacrifice, when you begin to place your own desires before that of the Lord, it becomes a slow fade leading to destruction!
Having moved to Florida with family, I went to church at first, however I stopped reading His Word, stopped praying and worse of all stopped submitting! Life became about me when I was alone. When my kids would visit I would do anything I could to make them happy, but when they left it became about Steven again. I had turned back into the man I despised from my youth, the drunkerd, the selfish self absorbed child I had been before coming to the Lord! It started slow, I had a job working on the beach, as I watched the spring breakers it looked
like so much fun, the booze, the night life, everyone wants to be near the "fun guy" I began drinking again, and begun to lose focus on who I was supposed to be. With one compromise came another, I tried dating again, never made it past the first date with most, I still had a moral code, thing I wouldn't do and that's not acceptable in the party
world. Finally I met someone, after searching hard on my own I found a woman who had came from the same broken background of divorce as me and I thought ok this could be it! Here's a fact for those of you who are divorced or in the process of one, you don't go looking for another relationship when your fresh out of one! It only leads to heart ache, allow God to heal the hurts inside of you. When the times right and if it's in God's will, He will bring the right person into your life at just the right time. I learned this the hard way! So back to this new puppy love or "lust" as it was soon to be revealed. I wanted commitment
what I didn't realize was the commitment I was searching for can only be found in God. Turns out the woman I was seeing wanted many relationships, having been hurt in the past and having married early she decided she wanted to "experience life." This of course did not go over very well with me, but I will give her this, at least she was honest and up front about it. Meaning she didn't just go out behind my back. As soon as I heard her intentions I decided this wasn't what I wanted in my life. I wanted love, love like the one I had lost. Not a fling or a good time girl, so we parted ways. Even while running from the Lord He was pursuing me, protecting me in many ways, I very easily could I have been completely heart broken by this new separation, I will admit I was hurt, I felt that I was not good enough for anyone. In fact I even contacted my ex-wife and asked her if something was wrong with me. Why was I not enough man for someone? That was of course a mistake, but the answer I got made me start thinking, "your too nice a
guy" WOW so there it is, women want a jerk, someone who dosn't respect them? This was against everything I had ever been taught, but as I looked aroud it seemed pretty obvious that's what alot of the "relationships" here consisted of. I made a choice, I wont become a jerk, I'll either be single, or find someone who loves me for
who I am! Months later my children came to visit during the summer, I had all but stopped drinking and even started going back to church, however I wasn't submitting to God. Summer vacation was awesome, my Mom and I took the kids everywhere to see everything, Shell Island, Gulf
world, Zoo World, Putt Putt, the beach; Oh how they loved the beach! Life was good again, not because I was walking in God's will but because I had what was most important to me; MY KIDS Now dont get me wrong on this, it is important for your kids to be one of the most important things In your life, in fact as parents you place their need above your own, but God is supposed to be the most important relationship! In fact if you keep your eyes on your relationship with the Father, all the other ones will fall into place. So, summer is winding down and Im starting to get depressed, it's going to be several more months until I see my kids again and I'm back to being alone. The whole time God is whispering, "I'm right here".
It's July '09' I meet this young lady and we start going out. I've been hurt many times now and won't give to much of my heart too soon. Good strategy to start with or so I'm told. As this new relationship is being formed, I'm determined, I won't lose this one; No matter what!
With this attitude I now had, I began compromising on what I knew was sin, things that the Bible says are to be held for the sanctity of marriage I chose to ignore. One step after another I begin my desent into spiritual darkness. Life became so clouded! It's now the week before the kids go back to Indiana and I dont want to be alone so I talk to my new GF and we decide its a good idea to move in together ....See a pattern yet? I am still figuring things out on, how to satisfy my own desires! This is the worse thing you can do! Trust me on this, we are to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousnes, then everything else will be added. Not the other way around. D day arrives, dad and I drop my babies off at the location chosen by
both my ex-wife and I. Tears are shed, good- byes said, and I love you's still echo in our hearts. Shortly after the kids return to Indiana I begin working for the local school system, good job, not
the best but bills are paid, and I have job security like I've never know before. The relationship between my girlfriend and I seems to be going good (in a worldly view) but inside I feel the Father pulling!
I try my best to ignore, the harder I try to push the Lord away the more I realize, "I need you". Months come and go, everyone seems so happy on the outside, I'm dying inside, I can't understand it. I have everything now, a relationship, a good job, and my kids are still active in my life. What's missing? Christmas comes and goes, my children are here for the holidays and it's awesome once again. I'm off during holidays, no school, no work! The kids are happy, they got everything they wanted for christmas and so did I, yet I still felt empty, it didnt make any sense. I struggled to find what was missing then it hits me. GOD, my relationship with the Lord! I realize that the
only thing I ever had in life that gave me purpose, fulfillment and true joy was living for the Lord! I start trying to get my life back in order. I dusted off the Bible on the shelf and began to read,
pray, seek, then God revealed something to me! "I'm living in sin!" How can I ever get close to my Lord when I am still placing a sinful life in front of Him? You can't. It's simple just as when I came to the Lord years before, submitted this life, and placed God first; He now wants me to continue in that same way as I first began. Amazing isn't it, sounds so simple yet we make it so difficult. I begin small, abstain from sex, seems easy enough right? Not when the other person doesn't understand, and heres the kicker, when your trying to to do something yet you dont move away from that temptation, you fail! Seems like we where warned about this, something about if your right hand sins cut it off; its better to lose a hand then your whole body to destruction.
So begins the journey back to the Lord, a year of mistakes takes but one step to come back to the Lord, REPENT!
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Life's Precious dreams
Walking down a path of broken dreams
I realize now Life's not as it seems
My life complete, my heart renewed
no one could ever touch me quit like you
I hear your voice I feel your call
never before have I felt so small
this life is precious because of you
I know forever I'll walk by you
never failing to show me love
I am over come by your gentle flood
I'll walk with you, please hold me tight
on all this tear filled lonely nights
I worship you Lord with all my heart
knowing now we'll never part
you are my God you are my Lord
please equip me with your Holy sword
though danger nears Lord from every side
I know that you will be my guide
I praise you now with what's left of me
here I am Lord on bended knees
(By Steven Lynch)

Chapter 3
"True Repentance is key"
Repentance is the key, a true heart of repentance doent merely ask the Lord to forgive them It Says, "Lord, I am sorry for the things I have done, the sin I am living in, I realize I can not do this on my own, but I want this life to bring Glory to you." We dont stop short of saying a prayer. We are to seek the Lord, and allow Him to reveal the sin in our lives. And when He reveals things to us that is sin, we are to lay it at His feet, and turn from that sinful life 180 degrees. If we don't turn from this sin we have not truly repented! Does it mean anything to you when someone tells you they are sorry but keeps offending you? Salvation is not just a prayer it is a life changing event! If you can't look back in your life and remember an exact moment
that the Lord changed you, then you have not obtained salvation. This is hard for some people to swallow, we look at salvation as just a prayer, or just a gift we say "oh, ok ill take it" what we do not tell people is that the Lord says very clearly "many will come to me and say Lord Lordand I will reply, Sorry I never knew you" Yes Salvation is a gift given freely but it's more than that God takes that heart which is truly submitted, and begins to work on it. If you do not submit your
heart to the Lord, He will not change it! This takes away from the free will He has given each of us. I can remember hearing through life, Salvation sets you free. This is a powerful thing, I myself have experienced it in my life. The thing is we need to clarify this freedom. It's not a freedom that lets you say, "I'm free to be me!" but it in fact a freedom that exists only when you are walking with the Lord, in the confines of His word. Lets clear this up a little bit. Would you say a fish is free? Well yeah its free,but it's free to the confines of the water. We've all heard the phrase free as a bird, right? Well is a bird truly free, or is it free with in the frame work of the sky? So now we have a better picture, when we are set free, that doesnt mean we have a get out of Hell free card, we have obtained salvation within our Lord Jesus Christ! Outside of Christ lies eternal death. God's word says, Those who love me, keep my commandments. So those who willingly sin, it should be safe to say they do not love the Lord. I want you to understand something, Salvation doesnt mean you are perfect, never sinning again, we will mess up in this life, that's why we have Forgiveness. But each of you as true Christians realize that when we mess up it's not because we say "forget what God says"
we still have a sinful nature, and it will get in the way, that's what salvation is, it's the payment for the penalty of sin, once a penalty has been paid, it is no longer due. We have to turn away from willingly sinning against the Lord though!
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The beginning of the battle only God could win
These were the things the Lord had began revealing to me as I began to seek him, I knew I had a choice to make, and yet, I was dragging my feet so to speak. Chistmas has ended at this point and we're coming up on spring break, life is beginning to get better for me, I begin submitting areas to the Lord as He reveals, yet was avoidng the main issue (I'm living with my girlfirend) One day I was planning my weekend and my mom calls me and asks what my plans are I told her, just cutting grass, and she wanted to come help. It was on this day the Lord used
my mother to tell me, "I'm coming to a line, either I'm fully submitted or I'm not" meaning God wants all or nothing, He doesnt want someone whos on the fence, He desires a true relationship with you. At that moment I knew I had to move out! I began making plans on where I can go.I didnt want to do anything until after the kids had visited though. They've been through enough change. The big day arives, Spring break, I pick up my kids and it's wonderful times again.
At least until they gave me news that no parent wants to hear. "Dad, mom's boyfriend beats us". I was destroyed, ANGRY, and disappointed in their mother for not caring enough to see the kids were suffering.This guy who she claimed was so wonderful, who she broke up a marriage for is now beating my kids! I was not slightly miffed, I was raging! God had begun doing enough work in me to bring one thing to realization, a scripture that helped me during the divorce, "the anger of man does not bring forth the righteousness of God" meaning if I wanted this to stop and get better, it doesnt involve my anger but it involves trusting the Lord! So does this mean i just sweep it under the carpet? NO, I made some calls, I contacted the DCS office in Indiana and reported
the abuse. What I was told sickens me to this day! "We get alot of false calls and with out physical evidence provided by you we can not and will not get involved." This not only broke my heart but
angered me, So Immediately I called my ex-wife and told her what the kids said, she too blew me off...
Not really knowing what to do at this point I called a friend of mine who works in lawenforcement, and he advised me to call as many people as I could and let them know what the kids said and what my response from DCS was. So I did just that, and placed it in God's
hands. For His hands are bigger than mine, I asked Him to protect my children.The day came when I had to take the kids home, scared and worried still about what was said but trusting God to be faithful, we said our tear filled good byes. As my babies piled into their mom's car my son runs to my mother who had made the drive with us and begged us not to send him home. It's so sad when we as parents are helpless to do anything, for if we didn't return him the law would come arrest us, and he would end up there anyway! I told my children I loved them kissed them and hugged them, little did I know this was the last time I would see my children alive on this earth....
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Prayer for Strength
my eyes are welling my knees grow weak
I cant help but fall down at your glorious feet
as I lay here crying you hold me close
I cant help but feeling I miss them the most
you raise me up lord past all this pain
I know forever my life has changed
Please lift me up Lord and help me soar
Past all this pain thats takin hold
I need you now Lord to get me through
May my last breath bring glory to the amazing God that is you!
(By Steven Lynch)

Chapter 4
Death brings new life
The drive home was mostly quiet, with exception to loud out bursts of anger from myself. For those of you who feel bad about getting mad, know this. It's not the anger that is sin it is the act or the way you handle that anger. This for me would become an important lesson
in the days to come. A week has passed and the thoughts of what the kids may be going through are still ringing in my head, I've done everything I can legally do yet feel helpless because my calls had been
igonored. I tried to speak to the kids everyday, sometimes due to the conflicting work schedules of their mom and I it's hard to do that. Each call I ask "has he hit you?" with each reply a short silence then a slow "no" proceeds from their mouth. I had taught my daughter to dial 911 In case he ever hit them again, and held some comfort she now had some kind of defense.
April 9th,
I've been off for a week due to spring break, working for the school system does have some advantages. Saturday is now at hand and I'm looking forward to a weekend of fishing with my dad. During the trip we're making all kinds of plans, where we're taking the kids fishing,
I mention I'm planning on taking them to Disney, the beach, all kinds of really fun stuff I know they enjoy doing. We decide to switch our fishing location and head back to the truck. When I'm fishing in fresh water I'm the man, salt water on the other hand...Not so much. We get to the truck and Dad finds he has a message on his cell phone, I had left mine at home that morning due to the fact I usually don't get any signal anyway. He looks at me with a serious look in his eye and says "Jen (my then girl friend) left you a message, "detectives came by the house and are looking for you." Now I dont know about you, but this isn't something you ever want to hear. I'm wondering has someone said I've done something? Maybe something happened in Indiana. I wouldnt know until I was in contact with someone who had those answers, so I begin the long process of trying to get in contact with this detective. I finally get the correct number, and ask the detective, "am I in
trouble" He replies "no" but I do need you to come in so we can talk. Naturally I'm already on my way to their office. When my dad and I step out of the truck the detective meets us at the door and asks. "Do you have kids in Indiana?" I reply "Yes sir." He asks us to follow him, I lag behind some to tell dad, "maybe the kids are fixing to come be with me" What I didnt know, but was soon to find out, is that at 3:10 am that morning my life had been forever changed! I felt like that coyote on the cartoons when chasing his foe he runs off a cliff, then standing in mid air become aware of the lack of ground directly beneath him. Here we were making plans a few minutes prior, and my children had been murdered early that morning.... I remember dad and I both sitting before he gave us the news: "There's been an accident, we've found one body."I asked "what happened was it a car accident, are the kids and their mom alright?" His reply "Your ex wife was at work, we have the man in custody but are still looking for the other child." I felt helpless, numb, my world was falling apart and there was nothing I could do to stop it.I do remember stating in a very angry tone" Do not call this an accident, my children were murdered!" He replied "yes sir your right." I barely remember much after that but I do know
at some point I had fallen out of my chair, Im clinging to my dad's leg and begging God to take me. What I now realize is why I was crying and asking for God to take me home, He was very gently telling me "no, It is not yet your time." The drive home was very quiet with exception to me sobbing in the truck. I made my way into the house when we pulled into the driveway, Jen jokingly asks "did you catch anything or get
skunked again as usual." I was headed to the bathroom at full speed and dropped the bomb "no, and my children were murdered this morning" I locked the door behind me, and when I thought I had regained my composer relayed the info to her. I quickly tried calling my mother but
was unable to get in contact with her, "she's at a womens conference" was what her husband told me. I again drop the bomb on him and hung up, I tried calling everyone I can back in Indiana, every phone call was answered with someone crying on the other end. They knew before me! I
felt like such a failure as a father! I get more info, my friend who is a detective in Evansville, gives me the news, "They just found Alyssa." The one thing I didnt want to hear, I was hoping she had
escaped this mans insanity, but my little angel had suffered the same fate. I kept wondering how does someone decide in the middle of the night to burn the house down with the kids in it? It's insane! I feel an all too familiar emotion starting to build. It's one I don't like, ANGER! Some of you may be saying oh yeah I'd be angry too. The thing is, when I get angry it's not a good thing, I do stupid things! I send everyone out of the house, Dads playing advocate explaining you need to be as far away as possible when He blows! My moms husband comes in
I turn and see him in a corner, He asks first if it's ok to come over to me, I tell him he doesn't need to be any where near me right now. He had come to pray wth me... I told him "you have about a minute then the tops coming off of the valcano. He prays from a distance, I V-line out the doors Jen trys to run over and dad evidently grabbed her and prevented her from coming over.I had lost all control! It started with a cooler, included a truck and ended with a hurt elbow. I barely remember what went on, but what I do remember is hearing my dad, telling me to calm down. His voice seemed so distant, almost like the wind barely blowing through the trees. I'm telling you this stuff to let you know anger is normal, however, allowing it to consume you leads to more pain. In my case a small fracture I wouldnt feel until the next day. What I didn't know at this time is that, God was getting ready to do something big in this life, but it was going to take a submitted heart for that to happen, anger becomes passion! I finally calmed down enough to sit down, Im trying to grasp everything, dad asks if I need
anything my reply, "yeah the hardest drink you can buy!" As he starts to turn I see something, a little brown Bible. I tell him to wait, and walk over to the desk and pick it up. I remember thinking, "this is the only place I've ever turned that ever made a difference." I told dad, I'm going to try it God's way! I vanished into the bedroom and began reading Psalms, I dont remember all the verses God gave me at that time but each had a common theme, "PEACE" Later that night my mother made it into town, she left the meeting as soon as she received the news. She had brought someone from her church with her, a man known for being a true prayer warrior. They prayed with me that night, I remember them asking God to tame my anger, and to reveal purpose into this life, a purpose to continue on. It's amazing how a simple yet powerful prayer, combined with a willing heart can change not just your life, but the lives of everyone you will encounter!
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Poem
"A Cry Out!"
my eyes are streaming, my knuckles white,
I look to the heavens and try to pick a fight,
I've begged, i've pleaded, But my answers always the same,
they are with me now, I'll help you through the pain!
Why my Lord must I go through this, have I not endured where others would run?
I always get the same answer "I love you my son"
As I sleep at night I see their face,
ever encouraging me to keep the faith!
I'll never understand why it had to be me,
But I'll hold you to your promise that your never gonna leave.
Even now as I type this my eyes pour like rain,
I am just a man please forgive me of my shame.
It's not my will but yours O' Lord
Let this vessel resound your Glory until It has run it's course
(Steven Lynch)


Chapter 5
The light of hope
The night before my trip was a long one. I made several calls to family and friends looking for advice on how to proceed once I get to indiana. What seemed like minutes but felt like and eternity the night finally ended and it was time to leave. My Dad jumps in to the driver seat and we proceed to indiana. I wish I could tell you at this point im completely submitted to God, but this would be a lie. My plans involved laying my kids to rest and taking revenger into my own hands. Turns out though God had other plans! For the most part the long trip was silent with exception to me twisting the radio looking for Christian stations. I was looking for comfort from the Lord and had forgotten my bible at home. A song came on that would forever change me, Our God Is Greater by Chris Tomlin. This song led me to crying out to God,reclined in the passenger seat Im praying and crying and telling the Lord I'm His do what He will, just please help with the pain! God met me right there in my dads car and begin a work within me that has blown me away! We finally arrive in evansville, its been a long time since i drove over those twin bridges leading from Kentucky into Indiana but the feeling was one of hope. You see even though I havent lived in evansville for over a year I still have church family there, a family that I knew had the answers I needed to spiritual questions. As we're coming across state lines I make a call to my friend Matt to let him know we're almost to his house and he gives me a message that the pastor wishes to
speak with me, and my ex as well. Hesitantly I agree and set up the location. After dropping dad off at my friends I drive over to my ex wives parents house to meet the pastor. What I didnt know is Satan had set a trap for me. I arrive before the pastor and to my suprise the man
who murdered my kids, parents are at the house at my ex wives invitation! Her mom meets me outside and explains what happened and out of respect for her and her husband I wait outside for the pastors arrival.Minutes pass and the Weisheits leave I then pay my respects to her family and the pastor finally arrives. It was a simple request yet made a impact on me. For us to lay our feelings toward each other aside and agree that the up coming days are about the children. We both agree to this difficult peace treaty, well difficult for me as I was the one who had the anger built up for everything that has happened. That night to my suprise there was a candle light service for the children at the site where the house they were murdered in, it was tough but I went to show my love for the children. Many people from church, the surrounding community and even ex coworkers showed up to pay their respects. It was beautiful. I know the kids would have thought so atleast. After returning to my friends house we caught up on what all had been going on in our lives and then said our goodnights. The next morning a guy I consider my brother shows up, I assisted him with the church youth years prior and was looking forward to speaking to him and getting some spiritual strength. He gave me some advice that day. Dont allow this tragedy to be in vain! Surrender your heart to the Lord and He will do great things. This has now become a big part of this lives testimony as you will read later. The day arrives and I finally speak with everyone working on the case, the information they gave me horrified me! Not only had my children been burned alive but my youngest Caleb, had been
tortured before this. There are many more facts that I am not at liberty to release at this time as the murder trial is still ongoing but lets just put it like this. A bad situation just got worse! I held my Ex wife accountable, not only did i try to get DCS involved but I called and told her what the kids said and she ignored it. This was a stumbling block for me for awhile, I soon learned I had to forgive and allow God to heal my heart. the days pass on and the children are laid to rest on a friday. That sunday while at church the pastor gave a message off of James 1:2-4 that left me reeling. Consider it joy when we have trials, for the testing of our faith produces endurance, but
endurance must have its complete work so we are made complete lacking nothing! Before I can even get to the part where God's going to fix me Im screaming inside. Consider it Joy? Are you crazy Lord, my children were murdered and you want me to consider this trial Joy! Well very soon the Lord will reveal to me how this Joy comes into our lives in times of pain and suffering. I can remember going up to the alter that morning, the smile on the associate Pastors face was always a welcome sight in the past whn I had came up for prayer. I simply said "I want to submit all areas of my life to God, It's only through Him that I'll ever be made whole." The prayer that man prayed set a fire inside of me that would soon grow and consume this life for pursuing God's will in this life. I spent some time with all my friends before leaving indiana and the day before Dad and I left I went to the grave site of my children. I prayed a prayer and made a promise that day. The promise "I will not rest until all guilty parties are held accountable by the law" the prayer "Lord I give this life to you as a toold to reach a suffering world, if you can fix me I know you can fix anyone.Please do not let this blood shed be in vain, use the story of my childrens life to touch peoples lives and bring them closer to you." The promise is something that is still in works. The prayer at this moment of this life has become a ministry! God has not only restored this life and filled me with Joy but He is reaching into hearts and making big changes! And we will be going over this journey the Lord has had me on and I pray you in turn will be changed forever. That a fire will be set in you that will spread to all those around you! We head back to Florida on wednesday morning and arrive that night, when I get to my moms house everything is set in place. You see while in indiana I asked her and her husband if I could live with them when i got back to florida, I was living a life of sin by living with my girl friend and wanted to make this area right by turning back to the Lord. They agreed and even set my stuff up in an extra room. The next night we're having an unofficial bible study and I get a call from dad. "My house is on fire I need you to come get me." I told him "This isnt funny and I
cant believe you would even joke like that after me loosing my kids in a fire" Turns out he wasnt joking, an electrical fire started in the back of the house and in minute had spread through the entire structure! On the way to pick him up i'm praying as hard as I can. I couldnt understand why this family was under such a spiritual attack but wasnt going to let Satan win! We finally get everything set up with where him and his wife are staying and life returns to seeking the Lord and His comfort. I happened to go out to Deer Point dam and was just praying and meditating on scriptures the Lord had been giving to me when He revealed something big to me. It was early in the morning, the fog was lightly settled on the bay the sunrise casting its beautiful colors in the sky and as It rose I noticed the shore line. Gorgeous homes lined up in the foreground of the woods. Then it hits me, this wasnt always like this, the woods used to be all that was here years ago. And at some point the construction of these homes would have looked aweful! The point being, the original beauty now touched by mans destructive hands had now been covered up by new growth, and now on top of the natural beauty there were now homes. Just like the beauty I held in my heart for my children had been destroyed by man God would soon rebuild and make something beautiful within me. I felt so blessed that God had revealed this to me, and was looking forward to the day this would all happen. While seeking God I just kept praying for hope and peace in this life, you see I had lost my sense of purpose and God began building a new one. One day at work I had went to break behind a building that looks out into the woods. While sitting there I realized something while meditating on Gods word. I now had something new in my life. HOPE! It was amazing, I had to tell someone, but not just anyone someone who would understand what I meant! I located my Aunt who works at the same school as I, flying into her office I blurt out "I found hope!" She looked at me a smiled, turns out she was on the phone.
As soon as the call ended I tell her again "I found hope." She just gave me a big hug and told me something that still sticks with me today. "And with this hope, He will build purpose." WOW so of course I didnt know what this meant yet but its great to hear that theres more
coming, this new hope was awesome and had me feeling so great inside I just praised God at the top og my lungs on the drive home. Im sure people driving down the street thought I had lost my mind but who cares. You see this hope God gave me was telling me that even though
I may be suffering now, it will not last! Gods going to take the suffering and lay out a path for this life that will make an impact for His kingdom.
_________________________________________________________________
POEM
But a Vapor
but a vapor this life soon will fade
but let your glory be forever made
Let this life Lord bring praise to you
until I am lifted to be with you
Im forever changed by suffering
But its a tool I leave at your feet.
Let this life amplify your grace
All my tears Lord wipe from my face
I hold to your promise concerning me
I know in my arms once again they'll soon be
Until my time comes let this life shine for you
Even at this moment when my skies aren't so blue
(Steven Lynch)

Chapter 6
Rising from the ashes of dispair
Life was still really tough even with the news that God was going to be building a purpose in this life. The emotional tug of war that I had going inside was becoming to much. I remember sending my mother a text one morning and asking her if she still had the number for the victom support group that had contacted us in indiana. As soon as I hit the send button the house phone rang. Her husband was off work that day and I reember him telling the person on the other end of the line "I think he just woke up." He walked up the stairs and told me the pastor of the church I was now going to in florida was on the phone and wanted to speak to me. A man I had spoke to maybe a couple of times in the past was offering to send me to a chritian grief counselor at the expense of the church! I was just sitting there in awe, I told him I had just sent a text asking for the number of a group that had a list of counselors and that it had to be God bringing him across my path. I accepted to meet Dr. Finch and the first session we had was one of a emotional stand off on my side. I wasnt goig to open up without first knowing where he stood with the Lord, so the first meeting was more of a interview to see if he would get the position of counselor. Now before I go further I can not stress this enough to you. If you are going through something in life and even while seeking God your finding the emotional stress too much to deal with I encourage you to find a Christian counselor. They are people whom the Lord has blessed to help us deal with lifes struggles in a productive yet Godly way. Being used of the Lord this man ends up playing a very big role in my life to moving forward from the tragedy that had hit me, and through His Godly
counsel I learn of new ways to help me cope and deal with the spiritual battle that was raging with in my life.
So with my first session set up and a better idea of what to expect with the emotional battle within I felt a little more informed of the path to come. You see even though God was pulling me through everything that was going on in life a saying that holds true was also in effect. The saying of "No matter how we go through life, we still go through it." Think about this for a moment..In life when we are going through trials regardless of our reaction of turning to God or turning away from Him we are still going to go through it. You would of course be better off going through lifes struggles with Gods strength, but sadly some people feel they can better deal with it on their own. I still remember my first official session, Dr. Finch was wanting to see how deep rooted certain emotions were, first came grief, I had learned to hide this emotion and it had become evident even to me I had never truely delt with this. There were many others but the one that I tried
hardest to hide was one I had never really been able to control when It would peek its head out. ANGER, my temper was something most people would never see because I had learned when it would flare up certain changed or ticks if you will, would become evident in my body so I would always take the explosion away from people. But today this man was encouraging me to allow it to surface so he could see what he was dealing with. He tried many ways to trigger my temper and each failed, I felt so in control at this point then after his unsuccesful attempts I started thinking he was going to give up on this one. He looked me in the eyes and said "well none of that worked so I have came to a conclusion." Im thinking hes going to tell me Ive got it licked. Wrong answer!He took on a different tactic making me relive the events that had unfolded then began pointing out slight ticks I was showing as I would get angry. We continue and before I knew what was happeing I was fully enraged! He then explained this was an emotional surgery.Just like when you till your garden if you dont get the weeds out by the root they will keep coming back. He suggest we continue with some sessions to help root out the rest of the problem that I had kept burried for so long. So we set up our next session and I go on my way to try and enjoy the weekend. I remember going to my aunts house right after my session to see my dad who was now staying with them due to his house burning down.I filled him in on what happened and he laughed and
made the remark "The guy must be crazy to want to see your temper." Well in part I agreed but shared with dad why it was something that had to happen in order to fully be healed. Sessions came and went, any truths were revealed not just by Dr. Finch but also by the Lord. You
see in seeking out Godly ways to deal with the emotional strain I in turn was seeking God himself. It reminds me of the scripture seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. The only way I would ever truely be healed would be to seek the Lord for that healing! 1Peter 5:6-10 explains this, it also tells us how to deal with attacks from Satan, and even gives you a promise of what God is going to do in order to heal and bless your life. This scripture became such an impact on this life and has become such a powerful tool in witnessing with people who are suffering today. Ive run across many people who say that God wont allow pain or suffering to befall His children. Christ Himself warns us that there will be suffering in this world but to take courage for He overcame the world. John 16:33 One of the biggest struggle I was dealing with other than emotions was giving myself permission to move forward in life. You see I didnt want to do anything that made me the slightest bit happy for I felt it was betraying the memory of my children. Of course everyone around me told me I was nuts and I of course knew the kids are now in heaven and with that truth comes the knowledge that in Heaven there is no weeping, no more heart ache and no sorrow. The problem I had was where do I make the so called cut on this life. I wasnt sure how to move forward, you see I couldnt move forward as though I had never had kids because that woould be a betrayal of my kids memory. But also I couldnt move forward with this weight of despair that had anchored itself to this life either. I had been enouraged to draw any emotion I had so I did just that, each and everytime! And when I had drawn this out I realized something. Make the cut by the weight of dispair!The memories and life I had with my children are what made me who I am, they are a part of this testimony so the cut couldnt be made above my childrens memories. With this new info God had provided it set in motion a new life. A life forever changed by suffering, but a life that also would be used of the Lord is such a way that many lives would be impacted! So out of the ashes of despair this life became reborn and was lifted past destruction by the Lord and set on a path to declare Gods Glory to the world!

Chapter 7
Ready for battle


So now I had a better Idea of what I was dealing with, and knew how to approach the suffering I currently had in my life. I'll never say it was an easy thing to live through, but I will say that if it had not been for the Lord and the strength He was pouring out into my life, I would have never made it!
As the days came and went each with its own set of struggles, I realized with each struggle came a new revealation of just how amazing God was. I need you to realize, that when God pours strength into your life it isnt a one shot deal. It is a daily renewing, Just as in the Lords prayer Christ prayed "Give us this day our daily bread" I began to realize He wasnt merely refering to please dont let me go hungry, just as with the rest of the prayer He was praying about spiritual matters. Each day as your in Gods word He equips you with the tools and strength your going to need to overcome the challenges of that day. When you look into Ephesians we read about the Lords armor, we're not just encouraged to put it on but we're also being told to equip ourselves for battle for at anytime Satan could try and mount an attack, and if you are caught off guard and are not spiritually prepared for battle you could become a casualty. I would encourage you to be in the Word, and to stay prayed up,for just as the Lord says the weapons of our warfare are not of this world, they are of a spiritual nature! Could you take on satan with a gun of a knife? NO, you need the full armor of God, His shield of faith to quinch the attacks Satan throws at you and the Sword of the Spirit to fight Him off! There are of course more pieces just as valuable to this spiritual armor so I encourage you to read through the book of Ephesians, write down each piece and what it is and what it does, then allow God to direct you on how you should be suiting up!
So now knowing that each day I am to renew the strength God gives me I had a valuable piece to the puzzle of how I was going to be able to move forward. Of course It still hurt having lost my children in such a horrible way and to be truthful even now there are nights I cry because I miss them. Its o.k to miss your loved ones when they have passed, however be sure that it doesnt go from grieving to suffering. I can remember something DR. Finch told me one day in a session. He said "This event will forever be with you, accept that fact, the days will get easier but this is now a part of who you are." I was also warned of the dangers of burying my emotions, you see through the sessions I had with Him we did alot of emotional surgery so to speak. It of course was rough, but nessacery for us to dig all this stuff up so God could deal with it. Lets look at it this way.
The Bible refers to us believers as clay and as the Lord as being the Potter.
When we submit our lives to the Lord He is then able to shape our lives into what He wishes us to be. The emotional surgery could be looked at from the stand point of hard lumps in the clay, the potter removes this stuff in order to keep the pot He forms from cracking when it is put into the oven to bake. So for us to ever truely be made whole God has to be allowed to deal with these emotional scars.
Something else the Lord revealed was this, we can either allow suffering to consume us, or we can lay it at His feet at which time it will become a tool He can use to work as a mega phone to announce His glory! Now I dont know about you but I'd much rather be used by the Lord then sit in suffering hating life and wishing it to be over.
In the next few chapters we're gonna pull away from all the things that has been happening to share some of the messages God has given through this tragedy. Each message will have a place for you to write a prayer and thoughts that you may be having about areas of your own life. Remember as you progress from this point on the only thing that has made this life possible is the Grace that was freely provided for us through the Death and Ressurection of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The greatest gift the Lord has ever given is Grace, its through grace I am saved, its by grace He strengthens me, Its by His grace I know ill see you again, Through the Fathers grace all can be forgiven, By His grace my heart is healing! Tomorrow is uncertain in this world, so make today count! Help spread His grace across a dieing world, its only by His grace it can be saved.
I am not a strong man, I feel every emotion sometimes all at once, its by the grace of God I can lay it at His feet, My endurance is but a vapor compared to that which the Lord has given. Ive learned something recently the biblical phrase in the lords prayer, "give us this day our daily bread" it holds new meaning to me, its more than just provide me with food, it give me the strength needed today to persevere and to show your love to the world, even to people I may not like, God is dealing with me in this area, its a minute by minute process to give my frustrations with people to Him Im learning to do this, please be in prayer that Ill remain under the pressure and not bail, only through trials can I be made into what the Lord has in plan.
Tomorrow holds but one guarantee, from the moment I awake you are there, when I feel I can not move anymore you carry me, when I am broken you take me in your arms and restore me. OUR GOD TRUELY IS AWESOME


Poem
"My heart longs for you"
there are times in life when I feel so alone
that because my soul longs to be home
the strength you've poured Lord let it flow
freely to a world desperately in need
I live my life here with bitter sweet dreams
I thank you my Father because your never gonna leave
this life has changed but its for the best
Ive learned to give thanks Lord when I'm put to the test
Its by your will I'm able to stand
please help me to never build my house on the sand
Its on your rock Lord I wish to abide
for its only there Ill never leave your side
You've given so much ill never be able to see
until the day your standing in front of me
Ill never leave you Lord for you are my strength
be gracious to your loving servant and grant me your peace
(Steven Lynch)

Chapter 8
Finding out Who you are
Galatians 3:1-4
Read it follow along, this is generalized as God speaks to me, let it speak to you. Did we receive the Spirit through faith or by works of the flesh? I know in my life I came to know the Lord by faith! It had nothing to do with me, who I was what I was to become, or anything I have or ever would do IT Is by the Lord Jesus Christ! verse 3
Are you so foolish after beginning with the spirit, are you now going to be completed by the flesh? Wow, imagine that, we start off by Faith in the Lord and whats this? WE ARE COMPLETED BY THE LORD!
Everything in this life comes full circle in the Lord, suffering, or anything good, comes to completion by the Lord so long as we stay in Him. and all to familiar scripture here James chapter 1 I written it in an earlier post read it then come back! Assuming youve read and returned, The suffering of trials is completed by enduring through what? THROUGH FAITH! Why endure through faith? What purpose does it hold? going into another translation of the bible for verse 4 lets look at the king james version Have you suffered so many things in vain? whats this mean?! Heres my testimony. Who am I? Am I steven lynch husband to a failed marriage, and father to murdered children? If that is who I am then I am defeated, my suffering was in vain. the rest of verse 4 urges us to not let it be in vain!
Who am I really? I am Steven Lynch Son of the most high, I am a man whom God has chosen to broadcast His glory, through Love, pain, suffering but more importantly through overcoming that which should have destroyed me but merely brought me closer to an ever loving savior who interceeds for me at the right hand of the Father! This is who I am, I will not be defeated I will overcome through the spirit of the Lord who Holds me up and strengthens me with every breath I take!
I ask you now
WHO ARE YOU?

Chapter 9
Hope in suffering (pt1)


Before we get into hope we need to understand suffering. For those of you who have experienced true suffering your probably thinking I have this part down, please bare with me Suffering, what is it, what causes it, how do we react to it I believe suffering is the physical manifestation of emotional death, to better understand how to deal with it you first need to understand what is the cause of it. Perhaps its divorce, loss of a loved one, loss of a job or way of life, it may be something so big its not listed here, it could be molestation, regret of an abortion, you know what it is that has you stripped down to the bare flesh in side! I feel empty inside is the most common answer or
response, I cant eat, sleep, function at work, I cant relate to my spouse or loved ones. The List goes on, in short suffering is caused when a pit is dropped right under you in life and you dont know how to cope! Now we know what suffering is, we have a idea as to what its cause and the effect it has on our life Before you can have Hope you must first have spiritual life! your emotions are dead, you cant go on, you've said it or thought it, "I'm done" so how do we get to Hope? Well God has to reach into your life grab your spirit and jump start it!
thats not saying oh yay this is going to be so easy! Even though you have spiritual life the effects your feeling are still relevent. He begins slowly, a moment, a day, a week, a month, you dig into His word seeking His strength and in doing so you begin to grow stronger. You may not even realize it till you look back and say "WOW ive made it so far, it still hurts but I have life again" When you've reached this point guess what you have... HOPE!!! It starts as hope that Gods going
to make this possible, then it moves to Gods made it possible and has given me a purpose! We will get into purpose later on, lets focus on this Hope He's given you. It may be hope that we're starting to sleep a little better, maybe a job opened up, might not be the one but atleast
its something! It could be He brought someone into your life that is there to help you through the pain. The fact is He begins to build on this hope, its a solid foundation that can be built on! You may be lookin at me saying well its easy to say that sitting up there with your life all perfect no ones life is perfect, not mine, yours, that guy over there. We all experience pain and suffering and now we find out why God allowed it to happen to you, me, him. James1:2-4 Consider it joy, my brothers,whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience (or endurance) But patience must do its perfect work, so that you may be made complete lacking nothing! WOW consider it joy? are you serious? How can i consider this joy? why should I? Well its because that suffering your goin through is building something inside you! What is it building you may ask, its building a blessing a ministry, a testemony, something God Himself will use to further His work Its an eternal Gift for you to share.Romans 8:18 Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will give us later. Whats being said here? Perhaps, that suffering is temporal...whats temporal mean? It wont last its like this body it dies. It also says it doesnt compare to what He will give us late, whats the opposite of temporal? ETERNAL!
God is building in each of us an eternal gift when we experience these trials.So now we know more about suffering and its intent, but this still may leave us saying, I needed peace and hope but how do I get it?
He directs us to Psalm 34:14 "Turn away from evil and do what is good;seek peace and pursue it! I still wasnt fully understanding what He meant, evedently He wants me to pursue peace but how. Well in seeking God I ended up seeking peace and guess what, I found it.
We're going to get into that as well a little later on ,how to find a peace that surpasses all understanding. I was still struggling with how could God let this happen, and why was i feeling the stuff I was, thats when while in a non official bible study one day with my mom and some friends the scripture 1 Peter 5:6-10 came up Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your cares upon Him because He cares for you. Lets stop here, we're being given a road map but more importantly a command Cast our cares on Him and sumbit ourselves under the mighty hand of God
WOW so He wants to exalt us in due time, whats this mean? well we're going to get to that in just a second lets understand whats being said here first. So we are to submit ourselves to God, how many of us truely submit to the Lord meaning, we lay down what we want, the vengence we may be wanting to seek or purhaps the desire to check out of this life and say OK God you want me here I am, im broken im like a bike thats been ran over by a car its no good neither am I Gods like MR fix it on a grand scale, He sees what you can become, what He can make you into, so give your life to Him, obviously you dont care what happens to
you at this point right? So its time to live that sacrificial life the Lord has calles us to live.So its time to cast those care of the world you have been burdened with on the Lord, in doing this He can start to fullfill the next part of the scripture 1Peter 5:8-10 Be sober and on alert! Your adversary the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion seeking whom He may devour, Resist him firm in faith Knowing that the same sufferings are being experienced by your brothers in the world. (wow so we're not the only one going through it, and we cant give up or
we will be consumed by the problems we're facing) Now the God of ALL grace, who called you to His eternal Glory in Christ Jesus will
(NOW WATCH THIS)
PERSONALLY restore, establish,stregthen and support you after you have suffered a little while Doesnt that just give you an awesome feelings, Christ himself is going to do this and look at the last part, after we have suffered a little while! Why after we suffered, well we touched on this a bit earlier, its through the trials of this life we begin to grow in faith and in spirit and Gods gives us awesome spiritual gifts through perseverance in trials!

Chapter 10
Hope in suffering (pt2) "dont let it be in vain"

So last time we spoke about Hope that can be found in suffering and touched on some other areas as well, this time we're going to focus on the blessings that come when you realize that suffering doesnt have to be in vain, we're also going to discuss how we should approach suffering through a Godly manner so the suffering isnt in vain. Lets start first with Galatians 3:2-4 I want to learn this from you:Did you receive the Spirit by works of the flesh or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit are you now going to be made complete by the flesh? Did you suffer so much for nothing, if in
fact it was for nothing? Lets start pulling this apart and get to the meaning, Of course we as Christians know we didnt come to this relationship with Christ through any works we've ever done, It was by His spirit through His sacrifice wasnt it?? So why is it when something happens in our life we think we are going to be able to work it out for God through our on ways? Or why do we think we have the best answer? Ive learned myself that any time life hits you with something that knocks you off your feet that God is the one who truely raises you up again, you may think youve got it worked out on your own but your only deceiving yourself, youve set yourself up for a bigger disappointment!
So we know no if we try to fix the problem we get a bigger problem
what If we let God be the one to fix our life what does that give us? Well many things we talked about eternal blessings that God gives us through suffering, so if God is causing us to grow in the Spirit It would be safe to assume that the suffering we are experiencing is not in vain! It has a purpose, even it the only purpose you see is that Gods using the testimony He's building in you to touch someone elses life! To me that is the greatest blessing of all! So now we learned that its not by ourselves that we came to the Lord, and its not by ourselves that we overcome things of this world, so it leaves the question of how do i make sure its not in vain? Well first we have to look at a situation where suffering was in vain. So lets say that a man looses his wife, up until this happened He was a awesome christian
but since his wife passed he's become distant from everyone, he suffers not only from the lose but now hes starting to let himself slip into dispair, he starves himself, becomes sick and eventually dies! So what in this example brings glory to God through His suffering? Not much if anything, Now lets look at the ultimate example of suffering that has been used for Gods glory, a purpose behind the suffering so awesome it explains the reason suffering was required. A man, a Godly man, used by God himself to touch many lives, He heals the sick, makes the blind to see, spreads the message of the Father so greatly multitudes of people begin to follow, this man innocent and precious in the Fathers eyes is then condemned! He is stripped down, whipped,beat,tortured and all the while the people who followed him are asking what purpose could this hold?! Even though it looked like the biggest mess they have ever
seen, like God himself had lost control, through the entire process, we then realize later, Gods plan was being fullfilled! Of course you realize im speaking of Christ, What seemed like madness held purpose! I mean look at it this way, what if Christ had died and nothing came from it, no salvation? wow that would have been a waste! However we know first hand as Christians Christs suffering was not in vain through it we now can have a relationship with the Lord, salvation an eternity with Him! What greater blessing could come from suffering? The same can be said for the suffering we have in this life, If we allow it to completely destroy us then it held no purpose, however if we allow it to bring us closer to God what greater purpose could it have? He begins to start a testimony in your life that touches other peoples lives and through that testimony He begins drawing people near to Him! Im tellin you first hand that is the greatest blessing we'll ever receive, to be used of the Lord to expand His kingdom, its an awesome feeling! Next we'll talk about the process God uses to bring us closer and help create the person He wants you to become, We will examine this Sifting the Lord uses to cast out the negative aspects of your life so that the pure Holy aspects He is building are revealed!


Chapter 11
"Sifting"
As we go through this life we will have two types of sifting take place on one hand we will have a sifting the God does that reveals and removes areas of our life that do not line up to His devine purpose for our lives. And on the other we will look at the kind of sifting that Satan does trying to make us turn from an all loving Father. To star off lets look at and talk about Godly sifting.
Hebrews 12:26-29 speaks of God shaking not only earth but the heavens so that the only things that remain are the things that are unshakable. When you sift wheat a process is done, you shake the wheat so hard that it destroys the outter shell leaving only the flour that is inside. Look at it through Spiritual eyes, when God shakes the life of a believer it reveals and removes the things that do not belong, some people call it softening of the heart, others tilling of the soul.There are many ways to describe it however the end purpose yields the same result.Just as gold is melted down so that the impurities may be removed we can go through a sifting that will remove and reveal the sin we've burried in our lives.Things we may think have been dealt with really have just been covered up. In an early chapter I spoke of emotional surgery, this is the same idea here.When you have past hurts in your life and bury them it can take root causing anger,hate,jealousy and many other things to take root in your life. God wants to remove these aspects so that He can give a complete healing through and through. God is not in the buisiness of half way doing a job, when He starts a work in us He wants to complete it! Just as James 1:2-4 tells us we must allow patience to have its perfect work so that we may be made complete lacking nothing. When you stay under the pressure of the trial your going through and seek God until it has passed, just as a diamond is made from extreme heat and pressure thats put on coal we too will come out just as beautiful but with far more worth! If you bail out on the Lord at this time then all you'll succeed in doing is letting Satan win that fight and you'll eventually have to start the process all over, or just keep running. I can remember telling DR. Finch when he asked me when I'd like to start this process of emotional surgery my reply was "Theres no time like the present itll have to be done sooner or later so i'd rather sooner." So now we have a pretty good idea of how to allow sifting be a truely awesome thing in our life, it'll draw you closer to the Lord and itll build a strong foundation in your relationship with Him.
Now lets look at how Satan wishes to sift you and how He wishes you to react.
Luke 22:31-32
"And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: And when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren."
Looking at this verse we see a common theme with the following
Job 1:8-12 8 Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?"
9 So Satan answered the LORD and said, "Does Job fear God for nothing? 10 Have You not made a hedge around him, around his household, and around all that he has on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. 11 But now, stretch out Your hand and touch all that he has, and he will surely curse You to Your face!"
12 And the LORD said to Satan, "Behold, all that he has is in your power; only do not lay a hand on his person."
So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD.
Before Satan was allowed to do anything He first had to get permission from God. The Lord wishes these trials to bring you close to Him, in fact to help you along in these times He pours out His strength through the Holy spirit!
Also notice what Jesus said in Luke, He says "Satan has asked to sift you." Now today when believers are under attack from Satan we set out in prayer to bind Satan and rebuke him. Notice that isnt Christ's response? He allows it and even tells Peter that He is praying for his faith to remain. Then even gives us a glimpse that Peter will return to strengthen the rest of the Disciples.
I would encourage you to take the route of trusting in the Lord just as Job did.It's not an easy walk however the Lord will carry you through it. And when you have overcome you will be so much stronger in the Lord for as these trials are thrown at you by Satan and we allow God to guide our life, such amazing revelations are made that will show you a side of Gods love for you that you would not see otherwise!
I know for me the answer was an easy one, I had no other defense against what had been thrown at me. I can remember breaking down the day that I was told my children had been murdered and remember the day I was given all the grim details about how my son Caleb who was only 5 years old had been tortured before the house was set on fire. It was an overload of emotions. I could either trust God or completely self destruct! I chose the Lord and what a choice it has been. The understanding of the Love the Lord has for me has been such an amazing thing in my life. I have a greater appreciation for the sacrifice Christ made for me, and a better relationship with Him with Him because of the submission that has taken place in this life. A submission that has takin me into new territory! The next few chapter we'll be looking at the ministry that the Lord has laid on this heart and also looking into the deeper relationship that has come out of the kaos that insued in this life. When we are going through trials or suffering all we can see is the Kaos that is happening but when you look at the Lord and dont focus on the circumstances you will begin to see the plan! Just like at the cross God makes a plan out of the attack Satan throws your way!
Also be sure to be equiped for battle, just because your not going through a trial right now, I assure you one is on its way! If you have not yet read Ephesians 6:10-17 Please do that now and pray that the Lord will equip you with His armor, otherwise you'll be caught unprepared just as I was.


Chapter 12
"Peace"

PEACE
Have you ever had a time in your life where you were at unrest? No matter what you tried we could never find peace, perhaps it's peace about a move or maybe something in our life has shattered us so badly we dont know if we'll ever find peace again. We lose sleep, we pace the floor in endless wondering, or just look around in a lost state not sure of what we're even looking for! The thing we're searching for is peace, stability, and we just wanna know it won't last and we'll be ok.
Where do we find this peace? Of course the most obvious answer is to say "in God" Those of you who are Christians dont walk in utter peace all the time do you? Be honest with yourself, theres those times when you are at unrest. Why is this? To understand the answer we have to look deeper, peace isnt just found in being a believer. Peace is found when we are living the life God has called us to live That doesn't mean that we're gonna have a flawless hurtless life. Psalm 34:14 "Turn away from evil and do what is good;seek peace and pursue it! Lets break this apart, turn away from evil, didn't we do this when we came to the Lord? In part yes, in entirety lets be honest there are those areas of our life we think "I know whats best this is my choice lets see what happens" What is good? Is it not watching that one show on TV, perhaps its not getting in that un-winable argument with our spouse. The answer is found in the last part of this scripture, seek peace and pursue it!
You may be thinking ok sounds simple but where do I begin, its not as easily done as it is said. Examine the areas of our life that are out of focus with what God wants done. with in my own life were many areas, the want to hold on to anger. The desire to be with someone and not be alone so you compromise on what God has said is sin.You may be thinking ok, sounds good I do this and im not at peace yet, why is it always me who gets hammered by lifes curve ball? I mean doesnt God want
me happy? The answer is most definately "YES" So it brings us to the question again why do we have those events that hit us, Im not talking about small stuff, oh my BF wants to break up, or they canceled my favorite cartoon. Im talking the things in life that shatter your world, it drops a hole right under you and may have you asking, "Is there even a God?" The answer is found here, James1:2-4 Consider it joy, my brothers,whenever you experience various trials, now I dont know about you but the last thing that comes to mind when trouble hits is "oh this is so joyful, why are we bring told to consider it Joy? maybe just maybe we're supposed to be looking at this from a perspective that goes deeper than ourselves? So how do you look at it? Put it in perspective Romans 8:18 For i consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy of being compared to the Glory which shall be revealed in us. Here Paul is looking through spiritual eyes. Suffering here last but a moment, its temporal, the Glory and growth it brings is eternal! Back to James, knowing that the testing of your
faith produces patience (or endurance) But patience must do its perfect work, so that you may be made complete lacking nothing! Ok so we're gettting a better picture of whats going on here, on one hand God protects His children, not allowing more than what we can handle come against us, however He does let things happen in our lives. It holds a purpose! What pupose does suffering hold? What can suffering do if we allow it to consume us??? Now what can happen If we turn that suffering to the Lord? Imagine a man batteling cancer, his brother in Christ who's never had anything bad happen in his life tells him, itll be ok that Gods good and still with him. How much weight would that hold up with you? Maybe this even has you asking where are you God, someone says hes there but you dont see it, hes never been in your shoes, now another brother who has been through the battle and came out on top or maybe hes just had a really bad life in the area of everything that can go wrong does, and he smiles at you and says Gods here, hes with you no matter what the outcome. Why does this speak more loudly? Because its said through suffering, the suffering in his life has amplified the message God gave us from the beginning. I will never leave you or
forsake you!

Stepping out of the boat

There are times when God calls us to actions we dont fully understand. I know in my own life when He called me to fulltime ministry and into volunteer work I made the excuse that there were not enough doors open to justify leaving my current job working for the school board.Sure I was willing to speak at churches or various confrences but to step out into unknown territory with no guaranteed check seemed like loonasy to me. So I prayed to the Lord to open as many doors as He could to show me that I was reallyhearing from Him. He did exactly that, so many infact that my schedule stays so busy all I have time for anymore is traveling with the ministry, or volunteering at the local C.A.C. He even opened doors at the church I currently attend to be a mentour to small children by being a leader in their Royal Rangers program as well as traveling to schools with a program called Character Connex, which basically is teaching Godly principles to children in elementary schools. Of course we are not allowed to directly speak of the Lord but we get many opportunities to direct the kids to His principles. I cant help but be reminded of the stories from the old testament I heard about daniel and the lions den and the 3 hebrews who refused to bow down to the idol and were cast into the furnace. In both situations they did not compromise on what God had spoken to them and even when they were faced with what seemed like certain death they did not loose focus on the Lord. This is what God kept speaking to me during the first few days of leaving my employer to follow His will for this life. I also was reminded of what can happen if you loose focus on the Lord. Lets look at Peter, Christ is walking on the water in the middle of a storm and Peter steps out of the boat to meet Him, He walked on water! Even if it was for a brief period of time, it wasnt until he lost sight of Christ that he paniced and began to sink. And upon crying out "Lord save me" Christ reached down and lifter him up from what must have seemed like certain doom. With all the truths the Lord began revealing I know this was His will for my life and no matter what I would not loose sight of Him. Almost a week after I worked my last day for the school I was hit with what seemed like a mountain. The evansville news teams had posted a story on the man who had killed my children and I lost it. All the anger that I had been giving to the Lord came rushing in on me and it was like reliving the experience all over again. Thanks to the Lord and some really good friends I was able to get focus back on the Lord without becoming engulfed in the emotional tourmoil that had tried to drag me down. I will say that trusting in the Lord has been the most rewarding choice i've ever made in this life, as many have come to know the Lord and even learned from the testimony God has built in this life. As I bring this book to a close remember this is not "the end" as so many story books tell, this is the BEGINNING of a new life. A life raised out of the ashes of despair and set on a path led by the Lord. I encourage you to seek out the Lord and His direction for your life. Each of us have a story to tell, and yours may be the one that will change someone elses life FOREVER.